Sunday, June 29, 2008

Hi, I'm a local author

Hi, I'm a local author skit

A local author approaches the unsuspecting bookseller
Hi, my name is Jane Smith and I'm a local author. (Bookseller reluctantly gives name shakes hands)

It's a pleasure to meet you Susan. I came in today to schedule a booksigning for my new book "Living without Lies" because I am a local author. It's a wonderful book actually its about getting to the truth and receiving the answers without fear. "Living without Lies" will change lives

Susan - Let me see if we carry it, unfortunately we don't carry "Living without Lies"
Local author- that's okay I have some copies in my trunk. I can set up right near the front, and flag customers as they pass. It worked great in the mall, all I need is a table
Susan- Sorry, we don't do that
Local author- But I'm a local author and they let me do it at the mall
Susan- Unfortunately that is not something we do. To do a signing here we must first carry your book. Jake is in charge of our ordering, give him a call at this number. Explain what your book is about, if he thinks we can sell it we'll carry it and then we can see about setting up a booksigning
Local author - I shouldn't have to do all that. I am a local author after all. I even purchased a book here once. I don't see why I can't just bring my books in and set up
Susan - Unfortunately that is not something we do
Local author- WHY NOT
Susan - We have strict booksigning procedures we must follow
Local author - THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER
Susan- I was trying to be nice but I see that's not working. You, local authors walk in here about twice a week. Do we laugh in your faces like we should for not going through the proper channels,no. We listen as you tell us about your masterpiece. Do we roll our eyes when you call it a future NYT bestseller,no. Do we turn you down out right like we should,no. We cushion it with six syllable words like unfortunately. Do you take the hint and leave, thinking at least I tried, no. You say you want an answer but what you really want is your way. Unfortunately for you I'm going to give you what you asked for. We want our customers to feel comfortable and not feel the need to make a booksigning pity purchase. Therefore we don't do store front booksignings


Toni Campbell said...

Awwww!!! Why don't you let the poor man/woman sell their not edited or proofread book about their life struggles in your store? Maybe while they sit there for an uncomfortable amount of time while person after person rejects their self-published tome with cover art drawn by their non-art-school-attending nephew. E. Lynn Harris said in an interview recently that when self-published authors ask him for advice, he tells them to always try to go through a traditional, established publisher first. I may kiss him the next time he comes in the store!

Doret said...

Anyone willing to do a store front booksigning (sfb) is too pushing. Waving their mistake fulled masterpiece in everyone's face. For every five customers that pass them by one is too slow and gets stopped. Then there's the kind customer who feels bad for SFB so they walk over to the table buy a book because they would feel guilty about leaving without one. Or they buy it out of pity. And that one sale is all the SFB needs to dismiss all the no's and stay another two hours